On being anxious...

In November my sweet Brae all the sudden developed some anxiety when it came to letting me leave her at school and church (really the only two places I leave her). I was hoping that this anxiety would be short lived, but here we are in February and it is still going strong. I have read about it, talked to many people about it, and well just tried my best to wrap my brain around it. She likes school and loves her teachers, nothing traumatic has happened. Church is going better now, but I believe that is because she knows I will be back to get her in a hour. I have tried methods to try to persuade her not to cry, but nothing works because I believe it is a true emotion that she is feeling and it is not her just acting up. She can't control that emotion yet and sometimes it happens so suddenly, but I am trying to help her figure out how to deal with it and give her skills to work it out herself, because I KNOW she has to learn to cope with any kind stress....I mean don't we all.....In the grand scheme of things I know this is trivial. I get that, she will grow out of this eventually, but in a hope to get my crazy thoughts out I want to write about it.

After many mornings of crying and sometimes throwing up, I have come to the conclusion that it is the moment that she has to leave me that gets her in a complete tizzy. She likes to be left with an adult that is happy and greets her with warmth and love. If she is met with that then the leaving me emotions come, but she seems to get over it easily as soon as I make an exit. If she is not met with love she freaks out. Her teacher is doing a fantastic job at this, but realistically it is hard with 20 other students that want and need her attention also. Some days there is no crying and I think to myself maybe it is over and then the next morning it is back. And I must add that this anxiety passes as soon as I am gone. So I drop her off with her teacher and leave and bam she is fine. I really would be worried if she was upset all day, but she isn't. For her it seems to be a "outta sight, outta mind" kind of thing.

She also wants to be in the "know" about the ins and outs of what is going to happen on any given day. She does well on a schedule and when she knows what is going to happen. If the schedule changes and let's be real... life changes constantly, she needs assurance that it is indeed ok and that she will be taken care of.

I have really been praying about this anxiety for her and for me as in how I deal with it. Usually my prayer is... Lord please wrap your loving arms around my sweet girl and let her know she is loved and cared for so that she does not feel so anxious and dear Lord if she does please guide me in a way that shows love and patience. For instance 2 weeks ago their class had a sub. No big deal to most kids, in fact no big deal to Brae prior to November, but Brae freaked when we got in class and her teachers were not there to greet her. She started crying and buried her face on my shoulder and in two second flat she told me, Momma I threw up on you. Now my personality is to freak at this point BUT I didn't. I took her over to the sink and trash can and started trying to get us both clean. There was NO way I was taking her home, because at this point that is what she wanted. No, I cleaned her and I both up with help from her extra clothes and took her back to her class and left her crying. Shortly after I left she was fine for the rest of the day and refused to talk about why she got so upset after school except, she jokingly said she got "throw-up-a-titus" (she totally got that from doc mcstuffins) when I picked her up. I finally got out of her later that night that she just wanted me. Since that day we have been out of school due to an ice storm and winter break. I have done my best to prepare her to go back to school this morning, but when it got to be time to get dressed she immediately starting telling me that she was sleepy (she was not, she had been up for 45 minutes eating breakfast and watching cartoons) and needed to stay home to sleep. I of course knew what she was doing and tried to change the subject and just get her ready and out the door. Once we got to school she kept saying "I just can't do this".....really the girl has some lines....and coming from a 5 year old they are just funny. I kept reminding her to breathe in her nose and out her mouth so hopefully she wouldn't get so worked up...to that she replied that she just couldn't breathe. Yes, my little Brae, I assure you that you CAN in fact breathe. I really wanted to talk to her teacher for a minute when I dropped her off, but of course that didn't happen because of the crying, so I had to leave her and high tail it out of the class....and I quickly peeked back in the room and she was already not crying anymore.... I mean that is GREAT, but can't a Momma just get a drama free school morning.....lol

So that's where we are at. I have a happy, smart, loving, caring little girl that is just having a rough go at it in the mornings here lately. I really wish I could fix it for her, but I know I can't. All I can do is not get upset and pray about it, so that is what I will continue to do.